Image by Dan Catt

Its Easter and chocolate is unavoidable. Chocolate is a treat we commonly associated with holidays and good times, but chocolate has a dark side. Historically up 40% of the cocoa used to produce chocolate sold in Australia has come from parts of West Africa where it is farmed by children and slaves. Despite campaigns from the likes of Oxfam and World Vision most people are still ignorant to the true cost of cheap Easter eggs. This could be in part because the truth is fairly well hidden; there are no warning stickers on blood chocolate saying – May contain ingredients produced with slave labour. Hunting for an ethical chocolate requires a little detective work. Buying products that are labelled Fair Trade is a good starting point but it’s important not to put all your eggs in the one basket, other matters that can come into play include: animal cruelty (think bobby calves, factory farmed pig flesh, and homeless orang-utans) sustainable farming, whether chocolates are produced locally or imported, and more practically: pricing, how easy brands are to find, and how good they taste.

So who is the fairest of them all? I investigated some popular brands.

Cadbury

Cadbury are a UK based company, owned by Kraft*. Cadbury Australia produces chocolate in Tasmania from local and imported ingredients. Last year Cadbury bowed to consumer pressure and switched its Dairy Milk brand to fair trade. This year they are launching their first ever Fair Trade Easter Egg. Organic no. Vegan no. Palm oil free since 2009. Available everywhere from supermarkets to service stations. The new Cadbury is a chip of the old block it’s nothing fancy but to me it tastes like childhood and home.

65g Egg – $3.95 ($6.08 per 100g)

100g block of chocolate – $3.26

Lindt

Lindt & Sprüngli AG are a publicly listed Swiss company famous for their gold bunny at Easter time.  Their 70% dark chocolate is vegan.  Although not Fair Trade Certified Lindt are very commitment to ethical and sustainable production. Follow the links for more details.

Mars

Mars is a US company owned by the Mars family. Mars Australia produces chocolates in Ballarat Victoria from local and imported ingredients. They make Dove, M&M’s, Maltesers, Twix and Snickers (Also Dolmio, Schmackos, and Whiskas). Mars recently announced plans to join the Rainforest Alliance and have all their chocolate of a Rainforest Alliance standard by 2020. While a pledge to work towards sustainable farming is a small step in the right direction it is important to note that the Rainforest Alliance have been widely criticized as a cheap, easy option for large companies wishing to appear ethical that has little tangible impact and falls well short of Fair Trade. 2020 is a long time to wait for Mars to ethically achieve a watered down version of what Cadbury achieved last year. Mars products aren’t any cheaper than Cadbury or Whitaker’s and while you could do worse (I’m looking at you Nestle products that are not the UK version of Kit Kat) but you can do a lot better both in terms of ethics and taste without putting in any more effort.

Green and Black’s

Owned by Cadbury. Green and Black’s are a tricky one as what they offer in terms of ethics varies greatly from product to product. The were one of the first brands to support fair trade back in 1994 but since then things have gotten a bit blurry. Their Maya Gold range is still fair trade and organic and available in the shape of an egg. It is vegan? Maybe. As for their non fair trade certified products they have their own ethic sourcing standards. They are widely available in supermarkets. Some of their chocolates are made with organic palm oil. Tastes vary from bar to bar. The dark chocolate I sampled had aspects of citrus and vanilla but was a bit chalky and bitter.

$3.99 for 100g block

Kinnerton

Kinnerton are a UK company producing in Australia from local and imported ingredients. Some of Kinnerton’s chocolates contain marshmallows that are made with pig skin and fat (Gelatine) This is not unique to Kinnerton and true of most products containing marshmallow Kinnerton are at least a bit more up front about it. Marshmallows aside many of Kinnerton’s products are generally vegan as well as gluten free, and nut free. At this stage they are not organic or fair trade. I am still waiting to hear back from Kinnerton as to whether or not they apply their own ethical standards in sourcing cocoa. The Kinnerton’s Luxury Dairy-Free Easter Egg is available at David Jones. It’s delicious easily surpassing many of its non vegan competitors. Despite the high cost involved with having the chocolate certified allergen free it will only set you back -

$19.90 for 210G egg ($9.48 per 100g).

Whittaker’s

New Zealand company manufacturing in New Zealand using local and imported ingredients. Fair trade. Vegan options. Available in some IGA’s, delicatessens, and chocolate shops. Exact information on stockists is difficult to find. Taste varies from bar to bar. Not fancy. Cheaper than Cadbury but harder to find. For mine a bit disappointing in the taste stakes, but Kiwi’s love it.

$4.35 for 250g block ($1.74 per 100g)

Choclatier

Australian company producing right here in Melbourne from local and imported ingredients. Fair trade. Large Easter catalogue. Widely available in department stores and supermarkets. Not certified organic. Vegan options include Dark Chocolate Thins. Tastes like free hotel room chocolates.

100g egg costs $8.95

Lindsay and Edmund’s *WINNER*

Australian company. Made in Australia from local and imported ingredients. Bunny’s available. Organic. Fair trade. Dairy free and vegan options. Their Caramelised Chilli and Macadamia Slab won the Gold Medal at the 2010 Sydney Royal Easter Show. Available online and at The Trading Circle and Agora Organic Market. They aren’t cheap or widely available but they tick all the right boxes and they taste amazing.

$17.50 buys you a 175g slab ($10.00 for 100g).

At a glance -

Other brands worth a look that I haven’t had the opportunity to sample:

ALTER ECO Chocolate

Fair trade. Organic. Wide range. Vegan options. Imported. 45 stockist in Victoria including Sankofa, Oxfam, and Friends of the Earth

$6.50 for 100g bar

Aldi

Just Organic Fairtrade Chocolate was on special this week $1.99 for 100g block while stocks last. Palm Oil Free. It’s cheap supermarket brand chocolate but its heart is in the right place and its pretty good value.

Bonvita

Organic. Vegan. Fairtrade. Eggs and rabbits shaped chocolates available. Imported ingredients. Imported product. Difficult to find – order online Wide variety or chocolates available.

$6.50 100g block

Booja Booja

Imported ingredients. Hand made in the UK. Vegan. Organic. Award Winning. Egg shaped chocolates available. Difficult to find – order online. Does not set explicit goals for fair trade ingredients but does offer fair trade presentation boxes.

$15 for a box of truffles 80g

Oxfam

Oxfam have a wide range of fair trade, organic, and even vegan chocolates including their own brand available in Oxfam shops and available online.

Getting Into Hot Water (In A Good Way)

A slightly fancier way to approach getting you chocolate fix is by supporting a master chocolate maker at a local boutique. The products are usually fresh, made to the highest standards and you can chat to the people who make your chocolates and even who own the shop.

Schocolate

Locally owned. Products are made from local and imported ingredients. Vegan and Fair Trade options are available. Amazing hand crafted chocolates and for mine the best hot chocolate in Melbourne. The basil chocolates are mind blowing delicious and refreshing. Service is great. Staff are friendly. It’s clear that the people here care about what they do. It’s not at cheap but you get what you pay for and I’ve never left feeling like I paid too much.

http://shocolate.com.au/

Monsieur Truffle

Locally owned. Vegan and Fair Trade options. “(Owner) Thibault Fregoni sources only the best in ethics a flavour for his handmade treats, all of which can be enjoyed in the café or at home.” Made from imported and local ingredients.

http://monsieurtruffe.wordpress.com/

San Churro

Being a franchise I must admit I am a bit sceptical of San Churro, it strikes me as the McDonalds of the hot chocolate world. They are Australia’s 5th fastest growing franchise and Australia’s 22^nd fastest growing company. If you’ve got a spare $350,000 you could open up your own San Churro. Alternatively an investment that size could score you your own Lord of the Fries, in Fitzroy. It’s difficult to be a franchise and also maintain the appearance of a high quality boutique. Putting the stigma of franchising and appearances aside San Churro profess to be committed to both quality and fairness and so far have managed to maintain a fairly high standard while rapidly expanding. They are perhaps more like the Boost Juice or Bakery’s Delight of the chocolate world. They offer a Spanish experience, that’s their thing, and as such import the majority of their cocoa from Spain. That is to say to cocoa is farmed in developing countries, shipped to Spain, and then shipped to Australia. They have fair trade certified coffee and have lobbied their chocolate supplier in Spain to go fair trade. Their supplier is not fair trade but has offered assurances that they have visited the farms from which they purchase their cocoa and that they are of a fair trade standard. They have vegan options. They are easy to find with shops popping up all over the…shop…

http://www.sanchurro.com/

I hope that gives you some options and you can find a chocolate which sits great not only with your taste buds but in your heart. For more info on ethical shopping check out http://www.ethical.org.au/

Have a Happy Easter.

————————————

Its Chinese New Year!  The year of the Shiny Metal Rabbit.

Celebrate with a brutal night of metal madness. Vengeance Behold play this Thursday (Feb 3rd) at The Portland Hotel (cnr of Russell and Little Collins). Entry is $7

If you’d prefer a night in why not try out this firecracker in the sack, by yourself or with a friend, and start the year with a bang!

Or if you’re after a more traditional event; The 2011 Chinese New Year Festival begins Sunday 6th February in Chinatown. The Premier of Victoria and the Lord Mayor of Melbourne will officially launch the Festival. There will be lighting of strings of explosives, to usher in the New Year of the Rabbit and chase away the bad spirits of the old year. In line with Chinese tradition, there will be numerous displays of lions dances punctuated by beating drums. Details here

(an edited version of this piece appeared in Milkbarmag.  They didn’t think the vibrator was something their audience would enjoy.)

For further info contact the Central Victorian Axemen’s Association at cvaa@live.com.au or visit www.woodchopping.org
Location: Alexandra Gardens, Melbourne
Cost: FREE

If you’re a woman there’s a good chance Disney gave you fanciful expectations that one day a prince would rescue you from your otherwise unfulfilling life and the two of you would live happily ever after.  Perhaps you’ve out grown this now and argue about the dangers of exposing children to unrealistic gender stereotypes and express frustration with Disney’s continuous portray of women who are unable to find happiness or fulfilment in their lives no matter how successful they are unless they have a man.  Either way, why not do your best to look pretty (pretty on the inside is OK too) and hope someone will come along and take you to discover the artistry behind Disney’s timeless animated films in Dreams Come True: The Art of Disney’s Classic Fairy Tales, a major new exhibition celebrating over 70 years of Disney animation at ACMI, or realise that your not helpless and go by yourself and enjoy it on your own because hell you don’t need a man or anyone to make you happy!   If you’re a bloke on the other hand, why not go because you think Ariel is pretty hot.

TIP: Purchase tickets at www.acmi.net.au and avoid the queues.

Dates: Until 26 April 2011

Time: Open daily 10am – 6pm

Special Late Night Openings: Open until 9pm on Thursdays from 6 January – 3 February.

Tickets:

Adult $16, Concession $12

Family (2 adults, 3 children) $50

Child (aged 4-15) $9

ACMI Members $11

Gig of the week – The Book of Ships

Magnificent baroque pop, dreamy indie and an edge. The Book of Ships, play this friday at The Empress. Loved by community radio, blogs, streetpress, and soon to be loved by you.

The Book of Ships

With

Tobias Cummings, Ballads, Boatfriends.

@ The Empress

Friday January 21, 2011 at 08:00 PM

Cost:  $7

This piece first appear as a feature in milkbarmag

East of Clifton Hill, North of Abbotsford lies Yarra Bend Park and Golf Course.   Today it is a picturesque place full of people walking dogs, jogging and playing golf.  The Collingwood Children’s farm with its cute baby goats is a stone’s throw away. 100 years ago was a slightly different story.  Just above Dights Fall from 1848, 620 acres was occupied by the Yarra Bend Lunatic Asylum.  By 1870, the Asylum housed 1043 patients and was one of the largest of its kind in the world.

The Asylum was largely self sufficient, farming its own food, and making its own boots and clothes.  In terms of carbon emissions it was great. Water conservation was achieved by forcing up to 28 patients at a time to share the same bath water.  They buried more than 1000 people, or at least bits of them, on site on the banks of the Yarra in an area which is now occupied by a practice fairway.  That’s about as far as the positives go.  Multiple investigations over the decades repeatedly found the place to be one of the worst institutions in the world.  Overcrowding, corruption, physical and sexual abuse were rife.  Staff were immoral drunkards, at whose hands the patients suffered all kinds of coercion and punishment.  The first superintendent was rumored to have a collection of the skulls of those who had died in his care.  And many patients (and staff) died, gruesome deaths, at the hands of other patients, staff and in horrible accidents. One women caught fire was in agony for  14 days until meeting her end. Suicide was commonplace. Buildings were literally dungeons and patients where often chained up and keep in other restraints. With no sewage all the drainage from the institution and morgue would go straight into the river.

The Asylum remained in operation until 1925. Parts of it would eventually became become the Fairlea Women’s Prison another site of infamy that remained open until 1996 and the inspired TV’s “Prisoner”.

All that remains now is this pillar.

The Case of Joseph Howard

Joseph Howard was an old Tasmania prisoner. It was supposed by the wardens at Yarra Bend that while in gaol he heard rumors of better food and better conditions in asylums and decided to fake insanity. He achieved this by biting through a vein in his arm in what appeared to be a suicidal attempt to bleed himself to death.  Unfortunately for Joseph Howard he ended up at Yarra Bend.  The food may have been better, if he had of gotten any, he claimed was starved, and subjected to bullying at the hands of wardens. This abuse and being surrounded by actual madmen lead him to become anxious and paranoid. One day after constantly being teased by a warden about his poor bed making skills he killed the warden in cold blood beating him in the head with a potato masher and stabbing him multiple times with a carving knife.  Howard came before the court and pleaded guilty to the murder, telling the court he was perfectly sane, asking the judge to let someone from outside the asylum inspect him, noting that those who worked their wanted to see him returned so they could lynch him.  He begged to be sent to Pentridge or anywhere other than Yarra Bend.  Despite his pleas no independent doctors where allowed to give an opinion of his mental state, and the published opinion of at least one warden that he was perfectly sane was not admitted.  The judge declared him insane and left him facing a return to Yarra Bend where one can only imagine the horrible retributions that awaited him.

References –

http://newspapers.nla.gov.au/ndp/del/article/4705583

GetUp have recently started a new campaign, a petition to: Tell the government to get corporate and third-party influence out of politics and end all large scale political donations.

This campaign is very similar what the leather jacket wearing Malcolm Turnbull called for on QandA two weeks ago and has been calling for since 2005.

The only difference is that while Turnbull said

“We should get rid of unions, we should get rid of corporations, we should get rid of huge donations, level the playing field”.  GetUp are using

“Corporations and other organisations” and not mentioning unions at all.

Wonder why that is?

Coming from Turnbull its a hard not to admire regardless of your politics.  From GetUp though this seems rather hypocritical and, well a bit dodgy.

GetUp are themselves heavily funded by “other organisations”.

Around 66% of GetUps advertising budget during the election came from unions and not individuals.  We’re talking over a million dollars in a few weeks.

So what happens if corporations and other organisations are unable to fund specific political parties any more?  They instead fund lobby groups to promote their interests.  Lobby groups like GetUp.  GetUp stand to achieve a huge boost in their funding if contributions to political parties from non individuals are banned, and restrictions on the amount individuals can donate to parties are implemented.  This is turn could effect what GetUp promotes.  During the last election while GetUp were being funded by unions issues such as the facts about asylum seekers, and mental health, took a back foot to campaigns that were specifically critical of Tony Abbott.  As far as I can tell GetUp are not making public information about which corporations and other organisations have donated to support what campaigns and how much they have chipped in.

GetUp are already being accused of not being as independent as they claim to be.  If they are not careful they could easily end up being hijacked and lose even more credibility.

I support Malcolm Turnbull, and GetUp, but for GetUp’s campaign here to have a real legitimacy they need to first take a look at their own backyard.

Asylum Seekers will get a better go. - A better go than they would under a majority Coalition or ALP government.  At least three of the five independents who would hold the balance of power in the House of Representatives have an expressed interest in human rights.

Greater Funding for Roads. – Especially if you happen to live in an area with an independent representative.

Crocodiles and Cockle-doodle-doos. – Bob Katter will keep on saying colourful, wonderful, inspired and occasionally cringe worthy things that could only ever come out of the mouth of someone who lives in far north Queensland.

A National Broadband Network will go ahead in some form.

Education, Health will be greater priorities and Aged Care, the Pension, and Mental Health will finally start getting the attention they deserve.

Food matters. – Australia is apparently at risk of being coming a large importer of food, something which is arguably terrible for the environment, for the economy and for farmers.  Government will be forced to look at where our food comes from and start making positive policies to support local produce.

No more toeing the Party line. – With the opportunity to cross the floor on issues and make a significant difference to the countries future our representatives will be empowered to stand up for good policy instead of being forced to blindly support party policies.

Less fuck ups. – The need for greater discussion and scrutiny of key issue in order to reach a consensus will make it less likely that we will see blunders like we did with the Home Insulation Scheme.

More and more Australians will be getting news and discussing events on Twitter.

Telstra will be split up. With little profit for its shareholders to be made from the country a privatised Telstra has no incentive to improve essential services to rural Australia. It is likely that unless other providers greatly improve their mobile coverage that the country independents will agree that the only way to ensure that key services are delivered is a re-nationalisation of the wholesale part of Telstra.

I asked this a few days ago.  One friend suggested to me we should just call it a Greedy Cunt Levy, another suggested maybe replace “extraordinary” with “incredible” giving us a LIMP to better reflect Labor’s position right now.

My sister wanted to know what exactly constituted “extraordinary” or “super” and this was my response.

“My understanding of it is the Government’s proposed RSPT defines a super profit (or an extraordinary profit to use my more colourful description) as being anything higher than the government long term bond rate which is around 6%.

Miners argue that mining is a much higher risk than bonds and that high risk and the amount of failed projects means that in order to encourage people to invest and take a chance when they could lose their money they need the incentive of a higher return on that investment. Oil is taxed in a similar way already but the threshold is at 11%. Miners are scared investors might instead start putting there money towards environmentally friendly technologies such as better solar power cells or wind farms, that don’t attract such a tax.

At the end of the day I imagine a higher threshold and/or a lower rate would get across the line. I reckon mining would settle for say 10% and 38%.  (It looks like Labor agrees with me but with slightly different figures).

Considering that massive amount of spending Rudd’s Government chalked up (more than any previous) to keep us out of the economic crisis and the large amounts of debt Australia now has a lot of people will be hoping it gets through.”

It’s worth adding that your mining company gets to subtract losses from the previous year before its profit is calculated.

I was being both facetious and idealistic with the “invest in environmentally friendly companies” its far more likely that people will invest where ever they believe they can make the most money with the least risk.   That could mean in overseas mining companies that offer the higher returns and lower tax, and that existing mining companies could take there projects and the jobs that go with them to other countries also.  Canada has actively campaigned for people to stop investing in Australian mining where they might have to pay a 40% tax (on super profits) and instead invest in Canadian Mining and just pay 25%.  But Canada have other hidden taxes that they don’t tell you about which if you look at the big picture make them less attractive.

The argument of keeping money in Australia is complex too.  Most investment in Australian mining is from overseas and those profits go overseas. For the most part it would be the Chinese who are getting taxed.  Great if your an Aussie but if I’m Chinese I’m probably not going to be too crash hot on the idea of having my investment taxed by the Australian Government, especially if I think other Governments aren’t doing it.  If mining projects start moving offshore because its more attractive to invest in Canada, or North America, or Africa where they believe they can achieve higher profits and less tax, jobs and money go with them leaving Australia and supporting other economies. This is bad, but its not as likely as the scaremongering in advertisements would have us believe.

I had a good chuckle but to put on a serious face I don’t completely agree with either of my friends.  I don’t believe Andrew Forrest for example, who didn’t inherit his wealth but achieved it with a combination of luck and very hard work is a greedy cunt. I may be naive but I believe he cares a great deal about the welfare of this country as is made evident by his commitment to indigenous employment and education.  I don’t believe a resource super profits tax is a limp idea.  I think it’s a brilliant idea if it’s done properly and could ensure the standard of living in Australia is the best in the world (until we dig everything up and have to find a new industry).  It is possible for the Government in consultation with not just economists but mining experts to tailor a package which will enable Australian mining to remain an attractive investment for overseas and local investors and for the Australia people to receive a far share off the profits from our own resources.  I sincerely hope we see it happen.

So we dumped the Prime Minister. We broke it off in a horrible public way. I don’t think he saw it coming. He knew we were unhappy, but I doubt he knew we were that unhappy. Less than two weeks ago we were saying we were 100% behind him. He knew he needed to lift his game a bit.  He was probably planning something to win us back, cheer us up, but no, we ended it before he had a chance.

I admit I was sceptical of Rudd and ignorant of many of his Governments achievements. I admit I was starting to flirt just a tinsy tiny bit with the idea of maybe giving my preferences to the other guy; thinking even if he is a bit loopy and old fashion maybe he might manage things better and perhaps inspire fat rich kids to exercise. I admit I was thinking maybe we can do better and when the opportunity to get in bed with Gillard unexpectedly popped up I was excited by it. The truth is until Rudd’s last speech I didn’t really appreciate all the things our PM had done for us and now that he’s gone I kinda want him back.

I know it’s natural after a break up to suddenly forget all the things that used to shit you and start seeing all the things you liked and overlooked. I know I had come to hate it but what I wouldn’t give now just to hear him say “Australian working families” one more time. I know just because I feel this way now doesn’t mean it would have worked in the long run. I mean he’s Keynesian and I’m Austrian.  I know I said I had doubts. I know I called him names like Kevin O’Lemon but shut up OK, I miss the guy. Now that Rudd’s gone I can even think of things he should be proud of the he left out of his speech; his Governments partnership in the development of the world’s first bionic eye, which stands to restore sight to blind people throughout humanity. I know certain things were said and done, but we can still be friends right? Probably not. He’ll probably become an ambassador, move overseas and maybe seeming’s how things went down its for the best that we have some time apart.

Earlier this year a friend and I started a hash tag #thingsruddhasdone on Twitter with links to stories about things Rudd had done. We did one for Abbott too but that’s another story. I tried to keep it balanced but tweets such as “Said sorry” and “Helped Australia avoid the world financial crisis” were greatly outnumber by ones like, “Pulled troops out of Iraq only to send more to Afghanistan”, or “Spooked John Howard out of a secret $18 billion plan to fix the nation’s public hospitals”. The majority of them were critical of a man who seemed to be making more and more mistakes. I don’t need to list them all. The chances are you already know about the mistakes. You already know about the rat fucking and the alleged hair dryer tantrums. You know that his failings on mental health were so bad it lead to his top adviser to quit. Finding news items critical of Rudd was a piece of piss, finding positive ones was a task. After a while I stopped looking for the positive ones. I became that ungrateful girlfriend who forgets all the romantic things you’ve done for her and only remembers the time you got drunk and some friends took you to a strip club, the time she caught you tasting your own ear wax, the time when you tired to install pink bats in her house and buggered it up, and most of all the time you promised to take her on a romantic holiday to a warmer climate (a climate change of sorts) but then when your work wouldn’t support you and give you the time off you needed you broke that promise.

Did we want too much? I mean the guy tried his best to take care of us when we were sick, helped us get a fair go at work, ensured our olds would be better looked after on the pension, sure it was borrowed money but he gave us $900 to cheer us up when we were looking depressed.  He got as a table at that fancy G20 party.

How could we forget he paid for the widescreen TV that enabled us to see all the details of his tears in true HD and set up our internet to be super fast so in the future we can watch those tears in HD time and time again.

Every Government fucks things up and every Government achieves things. Everyone in politics has personality quirks and a degree of narcissism. The trick is making sure people know enough of the things you get right to forgive you your quirks and failures. To ensure they know you can get it right so when you get something wrong they’ll let you learn from it and give you another chance. Rudd had a OK product let down by poor salesmanship. I mean the guy took a levy on extraordinary mining profits and turned it into a big scary super tax.

He wasn’t that bad.  He’s at least in our top 20 Prime Ministers. He was borrowing a lot of money but who isn’t these days.  Just look at the USA…  He had a bit of a temper, he treated his staff like crap, he never listened but he was under a lot of pressure. OK maybe I’m being generous. Maybe I’m not the ungrateful girlfriend. Its an emotional time.  I don’t really know what I’m feeling.   Maybe he had plenty of chances but the list of fuck ups got too long and we all needed a change.  I don’t know any more. Either way it’s a real shame it had to end this way.

Well what’s done is done, it was love but it’s over now.  For now at least I’m going to my room.  I’m going to put on some of our favourite songs – Somewhere over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole, and for now remember the good times, the things he got right and forgive the things he got wrong. No matter what you say about the man you could never accuse him of not trying his best to do what he thought was right.

Ex Big Brother contestant, Crohn’s disease sufferer and “media commentator” Peter Timbs appeared on Today Tonight last night to say

“It’s not smart, it’s not mature and it’s not funny” no he wasn’t talking about when his friends got drunk, and put their penises in the metal bit from a champagne bottle for a “greyhound race”, or expressing regret about the infamous doona dancing where he may have been the first bloke in Australia to get a hand job on the tellie .  He was talking about snark jokes made by Wil Anderson and Catherine Deveny on Twitter during the Logies.  Timbs went on -

“To have a go at someone about their dead wife, please, who are you?” I must admit when I first heard him ask that hypothetical question I wondered it myself. Who is this guy? After incorrectly searching for Peter Timms for a while on the internet I tried some alternate spellings and eventually my google search found a topless photo on a Angelfire fan page and an interview where he generalises that homosexual men are vain and talks about not liking big breasts.

Just in case you were too busy paying attention to the Victorian Budget, the rise in interest rates, or the Rudd Government falling behind in the polls and missed the biggest current affairs story of the week; some Australian comedians said some stuff on the internet about some celebrities.  Apparently the Aussie art of taking the piss out of celebrities is no longer something we consider acceptable.  Or at least no longer something Peter Timbs finds acceptable.   Brian McFadden tweeted to Wil Anderson -

“For the record i find you very funny.. i wasnt offended by your comments towards me and i hope people remember your a comedian. if we can’t laugh at ourselves who can we laugh at!… stay funny” [sic]

Perhaps I should specify; its no longer something Peter Timbs finds acceptable when its being done by Wil Anderson or Catherine Deveny on Twitter.  He seems perfectly happy to be associated with it on the radio.

These days Timbs amongst other things works with Kyle Sandilands as a contributor to Kyle & Jackie O’s radio show. The same show the recently came under fire when Sandilands belittled Geoff Field for being an old gay man who couldn’t take a joke.  The same show in which Sandilands said he hated Rove’s guts.  The same show that joked Magda Szubanski would lose more weight “in a concentration camp”. The same show that was criticised for racially loaded remarks about Tiger Woods’ genitals. The same show that quizzed a 12-year-old rape victim on a lie detector about her sexual experiences to a live radio audience estimated to be over 600,000.

Wil and Catherine may have tweeted some jokes that some would consider in bad taste, but no one would suggest they were racist, homophobic, or that they made light of the holocaust.  In comparison to Kylie and Jackie O, online Wil and Catherine have a tiny audience. At the time of writing this Wil Anderson has around 33,000 twitter followers, Catherine Deveny only has around 4000. Followers who, knowing what kind of humour to expect, have of their own choice subscribed because they find that sort of thing funny.  While the offending tweets were hash tagged and on display to anyone searching for opinions on the #logies considering how many comments were being made under that tag and how frequently, it is fair to assume that if it wasn’t for an anonymous article in the Herald Sun claiming that Catherine had come under fire,  (two uncredited tweets apparently constituted coming “under fire”)  the throw away remarks would have been lost in a sea of noise.

When Richard Cook offered a critique of Catherine’s Anzac day tweets, tweets which expressed an at times misguided frustration with the way Anzac day has become almost a patriotic celebration of war instead of a memorial, and which called for greater recognition of the survivors of sexual abuse, no one noticed, or cared.  Perhaps we were all to busy getting drunk and watching the footy.  But a couple of ill-considered jokes which use humour to ask; how appropriate is it to parade a child on the Crown Casino red carpet at an event with its share of salacious infamy, or which draw attention to how much media attention was given to the death of Rove’s first wife Belinda Emmet and how fortunate he was to find love again so soon after her death, and there’s a hysterical witch hunt.

Peter Timbs’ wife recently had her own battle with breast cancer and a double mastectomy so you can understand why he might be a bit sensitive, but in all fairness an ex big brother housemate, who works for Kyle Sandilands on a show that breached the commercial radio codes and regularly broadcasts gratuitous bad taste to huge audience is in no position to make moral judgements of anyone.